why would you...

...microwave fish at work?

Bringing lunch to work is not one of my strengths. I realize it would save money if I made my lunch every day instead of going out or scavenging in our cafeteria, but I think I have made my feelings known about cooking. And, yes, slapping some PB&J on bread and slipping it into a Ziploc is cooking to me. So today, when I brought my lunch to work, I was feeling pretty good about myself strolling into the break room. I started to walk toward the microwave when I was hit with an olfactory knockout... someone had been cooking fish in the microwave. I felt like the three bears after they returned home and noticed that Goldilocks had been tousling their sheets. Who would do such a thing? Don't they realize that smell doesn't go away? Now, I know people argue about popcorn in the microwave at work because it wafts through the air, and in about 22.4 seconds (on average), the entire floor finds themselves drooling with the thought of freshly popped kernels. But at least popcorn smells good! Microwaved fish is just nasty... blegh! In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I do not like fish. I have tried. Really, I try fish about twice a year. Just don't like it. Saves me on the mercury consumption, though, so I at least I have that. But even though I don't like the taste of fish, I actually enjoy the aroma of a seafood restaurant. It reminds me of boats, and the docks, and summertime, and... well, honestly, it also kind of reminds me of chicken, since that is what I always get at a seafood restaurant. So, it isn't the smell of fish that I don't like... it is microwaved fish. Horrible. Don't do it. Coworkers don't let coworkers zap fish.

seals & the things they do...

Oh, hello. You’re still there. Phew. I was wondering if anyone was still out there, since I have been hiding behind the blinding white pages, wondering if words will appear on their own. (FYI: they don’t). I have tried to keep you entertained by changing my background. Can’t seem to find one that I really, really like. I mean, I like them… but I don’t like them like them. Not enough to pass a note with checkboxes to see if they like me back. Just enough to scribble our initials in a heart on my binder. I mean, if he asked me to the dance, I wouldn’t say no…

Now that we’ve settled that, what have I been up to lately? Well, this weekend I had my second camping trip of the year. And by year, I mean 2008, not within the past 365 days. Yes, within the first twenty days of the year, I spent 2 nights sleeping in a tent… in less than desirable tent weather (above freezing, but not by much). But, as you know, I am married to Scout, who insists that winter camping is fun. Woo-hoo! I can now say that I know why they put hoods on sleeping bags. I always thought it was a bit much, until I found myself encased like King Tut, with little puffs of frosted breath emerging from my gaping mouth while attempting to shiver myself to sleep. On the bright side, I didn’t have to worry about being devoured by bears, because 1) they were hibernating and 2) I didn’t want to get up and pee in the middle of the night due to the fact that I had to exit my sleeping bag. Okay, okay, it wasn’t THAT bad. But my feet WERE cold!

Why were we camping, you ask? We had a very important double date with the in-laws. They are avid state park tour attendees, and booked a tour for us to Ano Nuevo state park during elephant seal breeding season. Or, as I so eloquently called it: Seal Sex... because I am mature. We have been on this tour before, but no seal sex that time. Just seal babies. If you can’t make the correlation yourself, please redo your high school Health 201 course. So, there we were: me, Scout, Scout’s parentals and 16 of our closest, um, strangers… voyeurs galore. Hey, it’s not weird. It’s nature. But it sure does sound weird as I am typing this out loud. What are YOU doing with your in-laws this weekend?

snooze… (9 minutes later)… snooze… repeat

Patent applications require inventors prove their invention is useful. I am considering writing to the patent office and requesting that they revisit the patent on the snooze button. How – exactly – is the snooze button useful? Unless they are considering it useful as a form of torture. Hmmm… perhaps this could help deflect from the recent water-boarding torture issue. Hello? White House press secretary… I have something that can help you. Yes, it is regarding the snooze button and its torturous effect on millions of your citizens. Hello? Hello?

This past week has been torturous (what? overdramatic?) getting out of bed in the morning. Every morning has been gray and dreary and cold (well, cold for us fair weather Californians – down in the forties – brrrr) and worst of all – I had to work five days in a row. After a full 2 weeks of vacation (reminiscent of the years I spent in school which yielded many more vacations than this crap they call adulthood) and a three day work week last week, it has been a long road to reach this final day of the week.

Since I AM an adult, I decided each and every morning that I would hit snooze when my alarm clock went off. It can’t be any easier – those crazy inventors made the button humongous. Just hit it, roll over (or not, why bother moving) and go back to sleep for another glorious nine minutes. Repeat until you fear losing your job, or you have to pee so bad you decide to get out of bed anyway.

So, what did all that snoozing do for me? Well, I can assure you it was not useful! Just prolonged getting out of bed and gave me a few more (interrupted) minutes of sleep that I am sure did not make me more rested.

Can’t wait to sleep in tomorrow! Oh, never mind… we are off to make use of the mounds of snow from the recent big storm. Support the local ski resort economy... woo-hoo! I’ll bet I don’t use the snooze button tomorrow. We will battle again on Monday.

green cow killers

We started out 2008 going green. How trendy. We are now the proud owners debt-bearers of a new Nissan Altima Hybrid. We are saving the world! Except for the cows, 'cause it has leather seats. Oh, well. Two steps forward, one step back. We traded in our '99 Volvo - had to get rid of it before it broke down again. So, we went from a turbo car to a hybrid. It sounds like a luxury golf cart when you drive it - pretty quiet, and much roomier than we expected. I am practically a hippie - recycling plastic bottles, reusing grocery bags and now a hybrid car! What's that, you say? I should reduce consumption? That is so un-American. How do you think capitalism works, anyway?

It is Scout's first brand new car! He is super excited, and stayed up late playing with all the controls (and I am sure he read the entire manual) last night - I went to bed. What? It was late, and I had just signed my life away... again. But we are saving the world!

the storm is coming!

Paul Revere impressionists have been running around my office, "the storm is coming, the storm is coming!" To prepare for "The Big Storm," be sure to get your emergency kit and 3 days worth of food! Go to Costco, get a generator, buy chips and salsa, make sure your XM radio can run off batteries, get a flashlight and some sandbags! Be prepared to live for 3 days without electricity! Now, how am I supposed to cook for 3 days w/out electricity? I can barely cook WITH electricity. Maybe Scout can figure out how to hook up our microwave to the gas line. Oh, we could BBQ! Perfect! Or, we'll just go out to eat. Those places must have generators. Also, one of my friends has a truck that has an actual outlet in it. You know, the kind you use to plug in your blender so you can make margaritas while you are camping? We could call him (on our cell phones, of course, charged from our cars) and cook in the back of his truck. While we are at it, might as well bring our big screen TV and satellite dish. Who needs a generator? We'll be fine.

I overheard a coworker say that she is going to bring her lunch tomorrow in case we lose power at work (seriously, I couldn't make this up). Um, if we lose power, wouldn't you just go home?

Big storm... batten the hatches... run for cover!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cough, cough

You know the cat commercials.... meowmeowmeow meowmeowmeowmeow.... I feel like I am in a commercial, but to the tune of coughs instead of meowing cats. I swear all I hear in my office is people hacking. I can practically see the germs taking flight into the air, landing on resident candy bowls and doorknobs. I have not authorized their entry into my airspace, but there they are - minuscule microbes floating into my oxygen, and contaminating my very source of life.

Now, I am not a germophobe (but I might be turning into one as we speak), but it is just GROSS. What is wrong with people? Do these people think they are so important that they HAVE to come to work? We aren't busy. In fact, most of the chairs are empty, with people extending their holiday break. Stay home with your germy self. If there ever is a pandemic outbreak, these people will be the ones to spread it!