rules of the rails

How do you reenter a party after a lengthy absence? Do you just slip into the room and hope that among the craziness, nobody noticed you were missing? I was going to just slip into the room, but after getting an email from a faithful reader asking if “nothing random was going on in my world” lately, I thought you might all wonder where I have been (and if not, you can either continue reading just to indulge my self-flattery or traipse off to the never ending fun of youtube).

[editor's note: As I was posting this, I just got another email wondering where I have been and if I am okay. Nice to know I am loved.]

Busy, busy, busy in my random world lately. Much that I would have loved to write about, but as those thoughts were floating around in my head, they never quite made it to (virtual) paper. I have been traveling to San Francisco these past few weeks. It is about a 2 hour drive in the middle of the night with nobody else on the road, 3 hours if you try to go during the working man shift. Since I can’t even stay up to watch the 10 o’clock news, I go during normal people awake hours. The train has been a savior – takes a little longer, but I don’t have to pay attention or deal with traffic. And I’m saving the environment! Maybe – not sure how fuel efficient the trains are, but the little paper slips they put my tickets in have shiny advertisements that lead me to believe I am backing Al Gore. Never mind all the paper wasted in printing those shiny ads…

After figuring out how to park my car, use that squirrelly parking self pay machine (well, after Officer Fong added 2 parking tickets to his quota for the month courtesy of yours truly), get my train tickets, know where and what time my stop is at, how to transfer, where the bathrooms are, where the snack car is, which seats are best, how to make sure that nobody sits next to me… what? You thought I just hopped on the train and went? This blog isn’t called nothing random overlooked for no reason. I consider all things mundane and irrelevant to others – powered by the tiny hamster wheels spinning in my head. After all that, I am now able to do the trip on autopilot, and have collected my thoughts on the activities of my fellow environment saving passengers.

Following are the rules of the rails...

Please enjoy:

• Sleeping (please try not to snore or drool)
• Gazing out the window as we cruise through the vast farmland, rolling green hills (before they turn brown for the summer) or along the beautiful and no longer oil filled bay
• Reading the paper – I have always thought that reading the paper is such a grown up activity, so if adulthood is measured by newspaper reading, I am probably about 5 years old. They look fun, but trying to open and flip and fold those humongous sheets of paper, having to locate the last 2 sentences to the article on the front page among the personals just seems like a lot of work. And I don’t like getting the ink on my hands. Okay, okay, AND I like just clicking around on the internet to read the news. Truly a member of the digital age here.
• Talking quietly on your cell phone. I said QUIETLY. I don’t care what you are having for dinner, how long your mother in law is visiting for, what your stock portfolio did in today’s market.
• Work on your laptop – although I will not be working, because I can only work in an office. Personal policy.
• Surf the internet – don’t mind my lustful gaze at your aircard, for I am sure that I could accomplish much internet reading during my travels.

Please DO NOT:

• Clip your nails – although I have no issues permanently damaging my hearing by blasting my (not)iPod, there is not a setting powerful enough to drown out the clipping sound of clipping nails. And I know you are not picking up all your fingernail remnants, buddy. Yeah, you. Leave the clippers at home – just pretend you are flying and they are not allowed on board.
• Board the train without showering in the past 24 hours. When the doors shut, we are all sharing the same air. Your BO is just too much to handle. Plus, it might be undoing all the environment saving, as you are contaminating the air.
• Talk LOUDLY on your phone (see item 5 above).
• Sit next to me. Even if you have neutral body odor.

Um, they just announced a derailment yesterday in the area we are passing through right now. Perhaps I should read the news more often. Happy rails to you!